Tag Archives: African American relationships

Love: An Essential Nutrient.


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Messages in mass media today give love a bad name. Switching on the radio, you’ll hear songs of either bitterness in regards to love or of heartbreak, which give off the impression that love is a scarring experience as opposed to an essential component for survival, sanity, and growth. Common sentiments about not needing love, primarily in this age, have turned us away from the free-spirited lovers of the 60’s flower child era singing The Beatles’ hit song “All You Need Is Love” (1967) to the jaded individuals who choose success, independence, and capital over love. Could this new impression of love be a reaction to ignorance of the idea’s actual definition? What is love, anyway?

American psychiatrist and notable author, M. Scott Peck, defines love in his 1978 novel The Road Less Traveled, as “The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth”. In this sense, love is a selfless act. In her novel Paradise (1997), literary laureate Toni Morrison proclaims, “Love is not a gift. It is a diploma,” asserting that love is something to be earned, a benefit reaped as a result of hard work and dedication. These are two interpretations of love we rarely hear about anymore. Instead, love is commonly associated with acts of possessiveness, jealousy, obsession, and straight up emotional instability. Misconceptions of loves true meaning have led to the current demonization of this concept. In ignorance, lovelessness has become normalized in our day-to-day interactions with one another.

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Believe it or not, we need love. Without care/nurturance, one of the several components that make love, we can die, whether in a metaphorical, spiritual sense, or a very literal, physical death. According to PsychologyToday.com researchers have discovered infant mortality rates are 30%-40% higher among babies in orphanages who lack nurturance during infancy. Those who don’t perish grow into persons who struggle with empathy, fearing physical touch and having trouble establishing connections with other people.. As a species who is dependent on one another to navigate through the world, this is a prime example of how necessary it is to have love at one’s foundation. Also, love is literally in the mind. Recent studies haves mapped out about 12 areas of the brain that function to convey our expression of love. Some of these areas release various chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin, commonly known as “the love hormone,” proving, for the skeptics, that love is not a myth.

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Earlier I mentioned care as one aspect of love. Amongst care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust are all components that function to create love, according to bell hooks in her radical book All About Love: New Visions (1999). We typically think of love as being just one of the aforementioned, when love is the work of using all in conjunction in order to add to your own and/or another’s growth & development. By these different definitions it’s safe to see love as enrichment, a safe space for us as humans to freely develop into the empathetic, sentient beings we were meant to be. Put simply, love is a tool of freedom not an excuse to seek ownership over another person. Being controlling hinders growth, which is in the way of love’s goal.

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In conclusion, we could all use a little more love in our lives, especially now with the many crises occurring globally. As these innovative author’s and psychiatrist have clearly stated, love is an act of selflessness, extending parts of you for the benefit another person and in turn, becoming, also, a benefactor. We are losing fellow beings, brothers, sisters, and friends, whether literally by physical death, or spiritually via a diminishment of sanity and feelings of loneliness in a fully occupied world because of love’s lack. I propose a rerouting of the newly popular lovelessness through a mass reteaching of love’s true meaning in a world that seems to have forgotten the benefits of what it means to bathe in the richness of love.

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What’s Love Got to do With It?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

 

As young people we are very easily influenced by the environment around us, which is not always a bad thing but we need to realized that every example is not to be duplicated. This is especially true when it comes to matters of the heart.

Ever since I was little, I loved, love. I loved how there was no limit to it. I could run out of food, water, friends and family but two thing I would always have was air in my lungs and love in my heart. So I take it personally when people misuse the term to justify, irrational actions.

It is not only our Queens suffering from this, but it is very prominent. Ladies you must set a line that once crossed you put your feeling to the side in exchange for your happiness. Happiness is the most important thing to society and it is ALWAYS worth fighting for. Know that you are a Queen and deserve to be treated as such. There a roughly about 3 Billion men on this planet, statically for you to stay with an “Aint-Shit” guy is madness.

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But only you know your limits. I have seen many women wait too long and others wait until its too late. I pray for the eradication of the latter.

Love does not make someone stay in an unhealthy relationship, fears does. And God has not put fear in us, Man has done that. Notice I said Man and not Males, theres a difference.

I love my house to death but if it were to catch fire I would leave it in ahot second! Some of you need to get out of your burning houses.

Easiest way to know if your relationship is healthy is communication, if he/she if telling you they dont want you BELIEVE THEM! You deserve the best and dont settle for anything less!

You wouldnt trade a diamond for a stone, so why would you give your heart to someone so undeserving?

As Always; I love you, God loves you, Love yourself,

Man of Madu

When A Man Loves A Woman

 
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So I spent Mother’s Day at a nursing home where my grandmother is staying. So as I sit with my Mother, Grandmother, and Aunt, enjoying some fried chicken, I raise the question, “Why have Black Women, given up on Black Men”? My Grandmother was the first to respond, her answer was quick and direct, “Because, they got tired”.
 
Now lets go back, way back. Back to the times of slavery where there was no such thing as a Black Family in America. During slavery if two Blacks were under suspicion of being married, one was immediately sold, and if one was bold enough to start a family, then the entire family was sold, children and all. So needless to say a Black Family was coveted for some time. Then during times of segregation Black Families thrived, since there was no other options for Blacks but to procreate with other Blacks. But from the stories I have been hearing, it seemed that once interracial relationships became more socially acceptable, Black Men tended to migrate toward this uncharted territory.
 
How often do we see athletes make it in whatever sport and marry a woman of color? I feel as if Women of different races are often seen as a symbol of “We made it” to Black Men. They feel as if once you reach a certain point you outgrow a Black Woman. My question is where would we be if our Fathers or Grandfathers “outgrew” our mothers and grandmothers?
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Having been raised by two very strong Black Women, I have always put Black Women on a pedestal. I have been attracted to all ethnicities but it was always something about a Black Woman that always made me grin a little wider and sweat a little more.
When I picture my future wife , I picture a Women of African descent of which we can both pass this strong lineage onto our children. But as they say, every thing aint for everybody.
 
Now I want to discuss the treatment of Women in general. Men, we have to do better! As a Man you are only as good as your word, any businessman will tell you the same. So why do so many of us lie to these Women? At some point you have to take responsibility for yourself in order to have a healthy relationship. If you are not ready for a relationship, DO NOT ENTER one. You are wounding these Women and making it harder for her to find someone worth her time and energy. I find it funny that many Men try so hard to attain as many Women as possible, when the only people who are impressed by your body count are other Men. Something is not right. There will come a time where you will want a warm body to hold at night but you spent so much time avoiding relationships, that you do not know how to thrive in one. And I have heard it from the horse’s mouth that once a Woman reaches a certain age she does not want a project, she wants a Prince, and who can blame her. Its crazy how some of yall have watched the tears pour down the faces of Women in your lives becuase off no good Men, yet you perpetuate the cycle, is that the homage you pay to those who create life?
 
In Conclusion honesty will always be the best policy, Women are not objects so there is no need for games. In order to grow up you have to think grown. Man up and start treating these Women like you want your, Mother, Sister and Daughter treated. When a King has a strong Queen, the empire shall thrive.
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As always, I love you, God loves you, Love Yourself,
 
Man of Madu